[ Oh. Of course it's Yu texting him, of all people. And of course, Zura has a good idea as to what this is about. ]
I am in the middle of something important. Please wait.
[ About 5 minutes go by. Katsura is one to runaway from things. That is why his name is Runaway Kotarou, though he's not sure how much he can live up to that title anymore. He doesn't, however, runaway from conversations and keeping the air clear.
A response follows: ] I understand if you want to cut ties with me. [ —is instantly the assumption he jumps to. ]
[ The first step is admitting that Katsura is right. That's a good way to get him to listen. Secondly, to actually apologize. We'll get to that part.
And thirdly, not to cut ties with him. He has lost a lot in his life and he expects it to continually happen, so he probably jumped to the assumption way too quickly. ]
How else? There wasn't much else I could do, but the people who have been brought here have proven their innocence and must be rescued. The enemy deserves punishment.
[ tell him this when he first arrived here and he would have laughed in your face, but now look at him. ]
Yu-san. I'm tired. [ oh, that's a different name to use. He's tired of this place, he's tired of going through everything CERES puts them all through, he's tired of nothing adding up and making sense, he's tired of being lonely here.. the list goes on. ]
[ Why are you trying to do all of this alone? Maybe that's because he is accustomed to doing everything alone. That's how it was when his family died. That's how it was when sensei died. He had to start from the bottom, acquire followers.. but it was a long and lengthy process— somebody is taking a weight off of his shoulders so easily like this? It's unbelievable.
Yu, he isn't too close to. He would consider them acquaintances and allies, but not exactly friends just yet, even if it was something he desired. He's already saying stuff like this, though. What did he do to acquire this loyalty from somebody like this?
Katsura searches over his words before responding: ]
I am used to doing things alone. If I am alone, those who are precious to me won't get hurt..
[ He has already taken a handful of people into the Research Lab. He has already regretted that. ]
[ Yu likes Katsura, sure, but he doesn't feel especially close to him. But he'd do this for anyone. He genuinely wants to help Katsura. He doesn't seem like a bad person. He's unquestionably dangerous, but isn't that just because he doesn't know how else to handle this situation he's in? He said as much himself. How else? Yu feels like he can understand him, even if just a little... ]
Isn't that backwards? If you do everything alone, then you might not be there when those who are precious to you need you. You have to trust them, and rely on their strength.
I'm not saying you should deliberately put them in harm's way. But you can't expect to win without allies. We're all going to need each other.
[ It seems like every time he does something that seems heroic in his eyes he always gets called a threat instead of something positive. Sure, trying to revolutionize Japan back it's traditional roots was a fine goal to have in his mind but.. The Amanto were tough and stubborn. Simply negotiating with them wasn't something that could save Japan— they had taken it over completely and Zura could never understand how Edo citizens were just okay with the fact they ruled the Bakufu government. He had to take other methods to be an impacting activist, and was aware that sacrifices had to be made.
Instead of a hero, Katsura was branded a terrorist, and marked with an impressive reward for his capture, dead or alive. Love and peace, though, was something that his enemy taught him, and it made him see things at a different angle.
That's how he feels about the corporation here.
This is immensely frustrating, because he sees Yu's point, and he agrees with Yu but really hates admitting he was in the wrong. He didn't expect Yu to care enough to invite Katsura to trust him. Yu is caring. It's embarrassing. ]
Don't tell me you want to go about saving everyone and leaving our enemies unscathed. It's not possible. They have the upper hand against us.
[ Leaving our enemies unscathed... CERES. It's clear at this point who the enemy is. The Flamines... they clearly exist, as evidenced by Rojo's post, but whatever their presence is, whatever their role, it's unclear. CERES is the group that's using them for their emotions. CERES is the group that's lying to them about the implants in their bodies. Why fabricate all these things if not for some more sinister purpose? Yu has to find out the truth, and that means going up against CERES with everything he has. That may well not be possible without someone getting irrevocably hurt.
Can he live with himself if that's the case?
He already has blood and death on his hands and his conscience forever.
Screams he has nightmares of.
Zura isn't the only one here with a deep and abiding fear of loss.
But the answers to these questions and hypotheticals and his goals run counter to each other, and he knows in the end that what he has to do and what is required of him shut down those answers every time, no matter what the answers are. It doesn't matter if he can live with himself or not; he will, and he must, regardless of the outcomes. ]
We won't know it's impossible unless we try it, Katsura-san. Together. They may have the upper hand, but the more of us that work together, the better our chances are.
I've never said we should go easy on them. I've always fought without holding back and without regrets. But there's a difference between fighting when you know you have to, and fighting recklessly.
[ Together, Yu says. Katsura has always been one to work in a group once he found himself groups to latch onto. During the war, his blade pierced the skin of enemies, a flourish of red flooding down their skin like paint on a fresh canvas. During the war, when he felt like giving up as they were outnumbered, he contemplated suicide — seppuku — and leaving his name in the history books as the Nobleman of Fury— the one who died with honor by slitting his own belly.
But no. That man that he stood back to back with encouraged him to live on. Why think of a beautiful ending when you can have a beautiful life instead?
That is what he said. That is why he is still alive today when he could have easily ended his life by his own sword.
Was he throwing away his fragile and beautiful life so haphazardly? Had this place driven him to that point?
This whole time, Katsura has been focusing on being in control of this situation— gathering people who could invest trust in him and ultimately lead them all to victory. It was selfish to be recognized as a hero when all you are known for is a threat because you think differently. He once lived a life worth respecting— until the war was lost. All of them lost and his effort were fruitless— he fought the enemies, still, by undergrounds means. He opposed the government that had taken a new rule because in his mind it was wrong. He had turned nasty and bitter at the world.
There's a long pause. Katsura brushes the pads of his fingers against the smooth appendage that now served as his right tibia and fibula. Once his femur healed, he wondered if his own life could be the same again. Would he be able to run as fast as he used to?
It was his own fury, passion, and anger that had put him in this point. What would his teacher have to say if he were here? He would probably get a knock on the head as punishment like when he said something wrong in class and a lecture that is probably similar to what Yu is telling him now.. ..But in a fonder tone; one filled with sunshine and warmth; a voice he will never hear again. ]
Yu-san. Are you inviting me to trust in you? Even with our different thinking?
[ Betrayal is the worst. He couldn't think about being betrayed again by somebody else. Somebody he used to believe in who has corrupted himself into something destructive... The exact path that Katsura was slowly falling into as consequence for being here in this crazy place. ]
[ He'll place his faith in Katsura, too. He may find it hard to trust the other man just yet... but trust and faith are subtly different things, and faith he finds he has plenty of, ultimately.
He truly believes in Katsura.
If he could change one person, and divert one course... he could feel like he really, somehow, made a difference in Cerealia. Whatever happens from here on out, this, this moment, will always be something he looks back on as a moment he did something right. He feels a familiar stirring in his heart, a kind of warmth, and it makes his lungs swell raggedly. Trust, and bonds, and faith... this is at the very core of what those things mean.
The person that Katsura could become... isn't that person right in front of him? ]
[ Zura finds himself stiffening his muscles at Yu's words. It was a childish response on Katsura's part, but he hated being proven wrong. The samurai carried a bitterness on his shoulders that ached everytime he looked out of the window and saw space ships flying in the air over what was once a quaint Japan with simplistic thinking.
He wanted to lead them into a new era that was like the old. A new dawn that they all had seen before. Here, he wanted to do that here.
It was selfish. ]
This entire time.. I focused on myself in a situation. I had confidence in myself that I could lead others as I do back home. [ Did you know he is a general and a leader back home, Yu? ]
That is what has gotten me in trouble. [ Admitting defeat so easily? It seems that way, but Katsura has a lot on his mind. If he hadn't been so reckless, he would have both of his legs still. ]
Instead of relying my burden on others, I wanted to take everyone's burden upon me. But that is not how allies work, is it?
[ He can see it. Katsura being a leader... for how ridiculous the other man can be, his seriousness, that quiet readiness, like a waiting wolf ready to snap its jaws... speaks to someone who has known much fighting.
Katsura is a person of surprising depth. But Yu has seen that bit by bit since the day they met on the roof, his very first day in Cerealia. ]
I was a leader back home, too. But the only reason I can be a leader is because I have the support of my friends. I couldn't do it without their strength. They count on me to lead them, but I rely on them to back me up.
Let us be your strength. You don't have to be alone anymore.
[ The words that are on his screen pull at his heart, as strong as it is, it carried the scars and ache of things that he was certain would never heal. Katsura isn't a pessimist, but he also isn't an optimistic person either.
This wasn't Edo. This wasn't the Jouishishi faction that he was accustomed to leading. This wasn't revolutionizing Japan. This was something entirely different, and it was so obvious to anyone else, but right now, Katsura is really noticing the difference and how he should approach this at a different angle — maybe Yu's angle.
Cast the hatred aside. Ignore the bitterness. Think clearly. Believe it or not, he was a planner and prepared individual. But he had let his feelings get the best of him here and it had only taken him until this moment to actually snap. ]
How can I support my friends when I cannot even support myself on my feet anymore? How can I lead anyone when I cannot walk ahead of them? [ planting explosives and detonating them when the moment was right was all he could do. That is all he could think to do in his current state back at the carnival. There was no stance for him to hold his sword in. There was no way he could run, or jump, or fight. Not like this.
And yet, Yu is trusting and believing in him... when all he is feeling right now is worthlessness. ]
Why are you asking me that? Aren't you Katsura? You know more about this city, and about CERES, than I do. I'll need you, going forward. I doubt any of us will be able to do it without your help.
[ And right now, he doesn't even know the extent of Katsura's activities. It won't be until tomorrow that he finds out about the raid. At which point he'll become agitated all over again... until he remembers all of this, and remembers I'm tired.
This is a person who needs him. And this is a person he needs. ]
[ Never had he felt such an abundance of trust flowing from this person during his stay here in Tellus. People have claimed to trust him, accept him, and ally with him to figure out the puzzles and mysteries of this place, but..
Yu is genuinely accepting him— inviting him in such a warm way. For once, he feels like he is a valuable and desired person on this mission they are destined to embark on. Not like his other friends and allies didn't make him feel important, but Yu is basically saying he needs him.
He cannot do this without him. How could Katsura ever deny something like this? They both have a common goal, ultimately, but are coming about at different angles. Maybe it's time to come at the same angle. Maybe that way, bad things won't happen so easily.
Maybe that way, he won't feel like a failure.
Yu doesn't see the warm but small smile that grows on his face— nor the tears pooling in his eyes, and he is thankful for that. For somebody who seemed so crazy— almost maniacal— he certainly had a sensitive soul; a sensitive, old soul that has been through far too much in his life. It was time for him to humble himself, here, and share his burden more than ever before. ]
Instead of running in different directions.. Let's find the right path we can take.
Together.
[ praise jesus hallelujah. His next scheme was to just fuck all and blow up the entire Research Tower. ]
With our differences, I was not sure. Most of the time it is difficult. [ —for him to get friends. He doesn't need to say that, though. It sounds pathetic. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
text, 5/14
no subject
I am in the middle of something important. Please wait.
[ About 5 minutes go by. Katsura is one to runaway from things. That is why his name is Runaway Kotarou, though he's not sure how much he can live up to that title anymore.
He doesn't, however, runaway from conversations and keeping the air clear.
A response follows: ]
I understand if you want to cut ties with me.
[ —is instantly the assumption he jumps to. ]
no subject
no subject
and then cut ties with me.
[ Katsura .. ]
1/2
no subject
Katsura-san, you were willing to murder someone to rescue me from a situation where that much violence wasn't necessary. Why?
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Secondly, to actually apologize. We'll get to that part.
And thirdly, not to cut ties with him. He has lost a lot in his life and he expects it to continually happen, so he probably jumped to the assumption way too quickly. ]
How else?
There wasn't much else I could do, but the people who have been brought here have proven their innocence and must be rescued.
The enemy deserves punishment.
[ tell him this when he first arrived here and he would have laughed in your face, but now look at him. ]
Yu-san.
I'm tired.
[ oh, that's a different name to use.
He's tired of this place, he's tired of going through everything CERES puts them all through, he's tired of nothing adding up and making sense, he's tired of being lonely here.. the list goes on. ]
no subject
He used my first name... he's never done that before. Is he hurting that badly? ]
Katsura-san...
Why keep trying to do all of this alone? I was with you. We could have worked together. Instead, you took it all upon yourself. Aren't we allies?
You don't have to kill anyone to reach your goals. Trust in us.
no subject
That's how it was when his family died. That's how it was when sensei died. He had to start from the bottom, acquire followers.. but it was a long and lengthy process— somebody is taking a weight off of his shoulders so easily like this? It's unbelievable.
Yu, he isn't too close to. He would consider them acquaintances and allies, but not exactly friends just yet, even if it was something he desired. He's already saying stuff like this, though. What did he do to acquire this loyalty from somebody like this?
Katsura searches over his words before responding: ]
I am used to doing things alone.
If I am alone, those who are precious to me won't get hurt..
[ He has already taken a handful of people into the Research Lab.
He has already regretted that. ]
no subject
Isn't that backwards? If you do everything alone, then you might not be there when those who are precious to you need you. You have to trust them, and rely on their strength.
I'm not saying you should deliberately put them in harm's way. But you can't expect to win without allies. We're all going to need each other.
no subject
The Amanto were tough and stubborn. Simply negotiating with them wasn't something that could save Japan— they had taken it over completely and Zura could never understand how Edo citizens were just okay with the fact they ruled the Bakufu government. He had to take other methods to be an impacting activist, and was aware that sacrifices had to be made.
Instead of a hero, Katsura was branded a terrorist, and marked with an impressive reward for his capture, dead or alive.
Love and peace, though, was something that his enemy taught him, and it made him see things at a different angle.
That's how he feels about the corporation here.
This is immensely frustrating, because he sees Yu's point, and he agrees with Yu but really hates admitting he was in the wrong.
He didn't expect Yu to care enough to invite Katsura to trust him.
Yu is caring.
It's embarrassing. ]
Don't tell me you want to go about saving everyone and leaving our enemies unscathed.
It's not possible.
They have the upper hand against us.
And being soft— it will get us nowhere.
no subject
Can he live with himself if that's the case?
He already has blood and death on his hands and his conscience forever.
Screams he has nightmares of.
Zura isn't the only one here with a deep and abiding fear of loss.
But the answers to these questions and hypotheticals and his goals run counter to each other, and he knows in the end that what he has to do and what is required of him shut down those answers every time, no matter what the answers are. It doesn't matter if he can live with himself or not; he will, and he must, regardless of the outcomes. ]
We won't know it's impossible unless we try it, Katsura-san. Together. They may have the upper hand, but the more of us that work together, the better our chances are.
I've never said we should go easy on them. I've always fought without holding back and without regrets. But there's a difference between fighting when you know you have to, and fighting recklessly.
no subject
Katsura has always been one to work in a group once he found himself groups to latch onto. During the war, his blade pierced the skin of enemies, a flourish of red flooding down their skin like paint on a fresh canvas. During the war, when he felt like giving up as they were outnumbered, he contemplated suicide — seppuku — and leaving his name in the history books as the Nobleman of Fury— the one who died with honor by slitting his own belly.
But no.
That man that he stood back to back with encouraged him to live on. Why think of a beautiful ending when you can have a beautiful life instead?
That is what he said.
That is why he is still alive today when he could have easily ended his life by his own sword.
Was he throwing away his fragile and beautiful life so haphazardly?
Had this place driven him to that point?
This whole time, Katsura has been focusing on being in control of this situation— gathering people who could invest trust in him and ultimately lead them all to victory. It was selfish to be recognized as a hero when all you are known for is a threat because you think differently. He once lived a life worth respecting— until the war was lost. All of them lost and his effort were fruitless— he fought the enemies, still, by undergrounds means. He opposed the government that had taken a new rule because in his mind it was wrong. He had turned nasty and bitter at the world.
There's a long pause.
Katsura brushes the pads of his fingers against the smooth appendage that now served as his right tibia and fibula. Once his femur healed, he wondered if his own life could be the same again. Would he be able to run as fast as he used to?
It was his own fury, passion, and anger that had put him in this point. What would his teacher have to say if he were here? He would probably get a knock on the head as punishment like when he said something wrong in class and a lecture that is probably similar to what Yu is telling him now..
..But in a fonder tone; one filled with sunshine and warmth; a voice he will never hear again. ]
Yu-san.
Are you inviting me to trust in you?
Even with our different thinking?
[ Betrayal is the worst. He couldn't think about being betrayed again by somebody else. Somebody he used to believe in who has corrupted himself into something destructive...
The exact path that Katsura was slowly falling into as consequence for being here in this crazy place. ]
no subject
I'll do my best not to let you down, Katsura-san.
[ He'll place his faith in Katsura, too. He may find it hard to trust the other man just yet... but trust and faith are subtly different things, and faith he finds he has plenty of, ultimately.
He truly believes in Katsura.
If he could change one person, and divert one course... he could feel like he really, somehow, made a difference in Cerealia. Whatever happens from here on out, this, this moment, will always be something he looks back on as a moment he did something right. He feels a familiar stirring in his heart, a kind of warmth, and it makes his lungs swell raggedly. Trust, and bonds, and faith... this is at the very core of what those things mean.
The person that Katsura could become... isn't that person right in front of him? ]
no subject
He wanted to lead them into a new era that was like the old. A new dawn that they all had seen before.
Here, he wanted to do that here.
It was selfish. ]
This entire time.. I focused on myself in a situation. I had confidence in myself that I could lead others as I do back home.
[ Did you know he is a general and a leader back home, Yu? ]
That is what has gotten me in trouble.
[ Admitting defeat so easily? It seems that way, but Katsura has a lot on his mind.
If he hadn't been so reckless, he would have both of his legs still. ]
Instead of relying my burden on others, I wanted to take everyone's burden upon me.
But that is not how allies work, is it?
no subject
Katsura is a person of surprising depth. But Yu has seen that bit by bit since the day they met on the roof, his very first day in Cerealia. ]
I was a leader back home, too. But the only reason I can be a leader is because I have the support of my friends. I couldn't do it without their strength. They count on me to lead them, but I rely on them to back me up.
Let us be your strength. You don't have to be alone anymore.
no subject
This wasn't Edo. This wasn't the Jouishishi faction that he was accustomed to leading. This wasn't revolutionizing Japan.
This was something entirely different, and it was so obvious to anyone else, but right now, Katsura is really noticing the difference and how he should approach this at a different angle — maybe Yu's angle.
Cast the hatred aside. Ignore the bitterness. Think clearly. Believe it or not, he was a planner and prepared individual. But he had let his feelings get the best of him here and it had only taken him until this moment to actually snap. ]
How can I support my friends when I cannot even support myself on my feet anymore?
How can I lead anyone when I cannot walk ahead of them?
[ planting explosives and detonating them when the moment was right was all he could do. That is all he could think to do in his current state back at the carnival.
There was no stance for him to hold his sword in. There was no way he could run, or jump, or fight. Not like this.
And yet, Yu is trusting and believing in him... when all he is feeling right now is worthlessness. ]
no subject
[ And right now, he doesn't even know the extent of Katsura's activities. It won't be until tomorrow that he finds out about the raid. At which point he'll become agitated all over again... until he remembers all of this, and remembers I'm tired.
This is a person who needs him. And this is a person he needs. ]
There's more than one way to lead.
no subject
Yu is genuinely accepting him— inviting him in such a warm way. For once, he feels like he is a valuable and desired person on this mission they are destined to embark on. Not like his other friends and allies didn't make him feel important, but Yu is basically saying he needs him.
He cannot do this without him.
How could Katsura ever deny something like this? They both have a common goal, ultimately, but are coming about at different angles.
Maybe it's time to come at the same angle. Maybe that way, bad things won't happen so easily.
Maybe that way, he won't feel like a failure.
Yu doesn't see the warm but small smile that grows on his face— nor the tears pooling in his eyes, and he is thankful for that. For somebody who seemed so crazy— almost maniacal— he certainly had a sensitive soul; a sensitive, old soul that has been through far too much in his life. It was time for him to humble himself, here, and share his burden more than ever before. ]
Instead of running in different directions..
Let's find the right path we can take.
Together.
[ praise jesus hallelujah. His next scheme was to just fuck all and blow up the entire Research Tower. ]
no subject
Thank you.
[ For talking to him, for listening to him... he's not sure. But it feels right to say.
His chest feels warm. Thou art I... Isn't that right? ]
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We're friends now?
[ more like.. you're openly acknowledging we're friends.
You were considered his friend from the start. ]
no subject
[ He feels the same, after all. But it's different to say it aloud, especially at a moment like this. ]
no subject
Most of the time it is difficult.
[ —for him to get friends. He doesn't need to say that, though. It sounds pathetic. ]